Living With Intention and Giving Myself Grace

I had just finished lunch. I was actually eating my last raspberry and the room went bright and it felt like I was in a tunnel. It was going in and out. I was thinking what in the world!? I just ate lunch! I’ve been drinking my water. I should NOT feel light headed. I brushed it off but the sensation wouldn’t go away. I started seeing black spots. I briefly mentioned it to my boss but just tried to ignore it. I wasn’t feeling like I was getting an episode. I didn’t have a headache. I was going to be fine.

The phone rang, I answered but the phone felt heavy and my words seemed hard to get out and they all slurred together. Luckily I didn’t need to say much on that phone call. When I hung up, it felt like the phone just dropped out of my hand. I sat there. My boss said something to me. I don’t remember if I responded or didn’t make sense or what, but she was looking at me in a way she could tell something wasn’t right. I got up to go talk to her in her office so I wouldn’t make a scene because I wasn’t sure what was happening and I was getting scared. By the time I tried telling her what was happening, I could only get out some words and it was gradually getting harder to talk. I told her this isn’t my ‘normal’ feeling with an episode. As she was getting Travis’ number to call, she asked if I ever had panic attacks. I hadn’t.

A mom was coming in so I went to lay down in the health room. I really didn’t need to make a scene. I just started crying. What in the world was happening!? Our principle and business manager came in. The principal started asking questions and I couldn’t respond. We switched to yes/no questions so I could just nod.

“Do you want us to call an ambulance?” I shook my head no. All I was thinking is, Travis can just come pick me up and bring me home! He called the ambulance anyways. He was on the phone with the dispatcher. “Can you give me a smile?” I tried. I couldn’t. “Can you stick out your tongue?”That was difficult but I think I did. Everything went so fast from that point on. The business manager stayed with me and was telling me God was with me. She was calming me down. It reminded me of what my friend taught me to do on days I wasn’t feeling well. Just saying 4 word mantras. “God. is. with. me.”… “He. gives. me. strength.” As long as I wouldn’t think about my kids and husband, I was somewhat calm. If I thought about them, I would just start crying harder.

Travis got there. His eyes looked terrified. I tried asking where Isla was because she stayed home from school. He couldn’t understand what I was trying to say. The paramedics came. Maybe it was the other way around.

I got put on a stretcher. All I kept thinking was “are you KIDDING me!?! I’m getting taken out on a stretcher?” There goes my plan of trying not to make a scene!

The paramedics were amazing. They were so kind and gentle and explained everything that was going on. I was aware of everything but my body was not working! I could tell by their turns when they got out of Immanuel’s parking lot and Jewel…and then they turned the sirens on. WHAAAATTTTT!?! I needed sirens!? Guys, I don’t want to make a scene! The paramedic got on the phone and gave the hospital all the details of who I was and what was going on. We got there and I couldn’t even tell them thank you. But THANK YOU!

I’m now being brought straight into a CT scan and they’re asking me if they can give me TNK. “It’s a blood thinner to help break up a blood clot if you’re having a stroke” WHAT!?! I reluctantly nodded yes. I’m all alone, I can’t talk, and I needed to make important decisions. Then I hear, “The Pastors are here but her husband isn’t!’ All I could think was ‘WHAT is happening!?!’

Funny story. Because trust me, we needed a laugh in a major way…When I was better in the hospital bed, Travis starts telling me how he even repeated after the paramedics, “McHenry hospital.” So he gets to the hospital, “I need to see my wife, Amanda Biggar.” Sir, we don’t have your wife here.” “Ummmmm this is McHenry hospital right!?” “No sir, this is Crystal Lake.” 😂🙈

He did make it to the McHenry Hospital. When he got there, the nurse got him and told him he needed to come with her right away. Poor Trav. He was traumatized.

The nurse talks about some shading in the right frontal lobe but the MRI will tell us better what it is. If anything.

They get me up to the ICU and I start getting super hot. Oh crap. I can’t talk, I have no strength in my limbs and I’m getting a CVS episode. You have GOT to be kidding me. I start trying to motion that I’m hot and nauseous. Side Note: luckily Trav and I have been together so long, I maybe only got out 1 syllable or motioned something, but he was a great interpreter the whole time. So they give me Zofran through my IV and I felt better within minutes. I was just still sleepy and dizzy.

As I’m in the middle of an episode, unable to talk, I hear the Dr start talking to Travis about my care and all the therapies I will need. Oh Lord, I don’t have time for this. I’m going to be okay! Please God, I’m going to be okay. But right now, I don’t want to move. I don’t want people to touch me. I need a fan, my covers, and a dark room. Non of this was happening. In fact they were transferring me to the hardest bed ever, to wheel me down to the bumpiest hallway in the hospital, to then be put on a lift, up to a tiny, cold tunnel. This has now topped my most bizarre episode yet, but thank God for the zofran because it allowed me to just sleep through the loud MRI and not have to throw up. Yay me!

I get out of the MRI and have to sign who knows what. How can they have people sign papers when they aren’t fully functioning!?! I couldn’t sign my name. It looked like letters of a 3 year old. I just started crying. Again. My life was changing in front of my eyes as I knew it. How can I not sign my name!?!

We get back up to my room in the ICU and the zofran starts wearing off. I’m able to kind of make out a word now and I motioned for a bag. Finally I could throw up so that I would at least feel better in some way. It made me calm immediately and I went to sleep for maybe an hour.

I woke up around 7pm and I could speak! Y’all, I could talk! It’s like my body did a full reset. God made my body whole again.

The next next day I asked my mom for a piece of paper. I needed to see if I could sign my name. My first try was a little rusty but the 2nd attempt was pretty close to my signature. Whew!

We cried. We laughed. We cried. And we laughed some more. Laughing truly is the best medicine. The amount of gratitude I was feeling, was and is, truly immeasurable.

The MRI was clear. The CT the next day, was clear. I feel like a walking miracle and it’s all because of our awesome God and the many prayers. They were truly felt through the whole experience. Through the tears. Through the fear. Through the unknown. Through it all, I still felt a bit of peace and calm.

The neurologist came to talk to us about my final scan. He was serious. And they never get to the news right away, do they? In fact, his presence through the whole thing made my mom and Trav have a bad feeling about the scan. Travis said his heart dropped. Me on the other hand, had no clue they were getting a bad feeling because I was on cloud nine that I was functioning again! Eventually, with his very serious demeanor, he did say that there was no scar tissue on the brain and everything looked how it should. But because my symptoms lasted as long as they did, they’re considering it to be a mini stroke/TIA. If it was a bad migraine (which was the only other possibility), he said those symptoms would have only lasted an hour or two at most. My symptoms started around 12:15/12:30 Thursday afternoon, and ended between 7/7:30pm.

Not many people can say they got discharged right out of the ICU, but I am beyond thankful that I did! I either had the choice to stay until Monday to have a TEE done, or I could be discharged as long as I got it done within 7 days. Welp, turns out I can’t get it done within the 7 days (long story), but I still busted out of there! And home never felt so good. Although I do love the hospital. I get my meals served to me and I can order as many things as I want! And when I’m not allowed to eat for about 28 hours, I wanted to order one item from every category.

This memory showed up on Saturday. The day after I had gotten home. And in that moment, I remembered to breathe, and to keep praying. In times of confusion, and fear, and sadness…and times of relief, and happiness, and gratefulness. Just pray.

~XOXO

I’ve had this Blog Title in my drafts for weeks now. I haven’t written anything because honestly, I don’t know where to begin. Also, because of doubters and haters and needing to prove to myself I can do this before I put it out into the universe. There’s SO much I want to cover. I’ve been on a health journey for yearssssss. The first instrumental year being 2017. The year I started Chiropractic care. I’m not going to back track and talk about the past 6 years, but I am going to tell you about the power in 10 minutes a day.

I used to think it was normal to be exhausted 90% of the time. And when I say 90% of the time, I’m not exaggerating. I used to think it was absolutely crazy how families could go for bike rides on Sunday afternoons. Or anytime for that matter. All I was doing was struggling to get through a day. I woke up every morning and Travis would laugh at me because I’d say “I love my bed! I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” I was literally doing the bare minimum I had to do as a mom of 4 human kids and 1 dog, a wife, and someone who has 3 jobs 😆

One thing I should note is that I was also extremely anemic. I started working with a functional medicine Dr I trust back in July of last year, and my numbers are heading in the right direction. Thank you, Lord.

What I wasn’t prepared for was a completely life altering experience when I not only started combining chiropractic care, all my supplements my Dr has me on, eating WHOLE foods, and taking 10 minutes a day of high impact exercise. TEN minutes. Y’all, everyone has 10 minutes. I know…I thought I didn’t, and I’m sure some of you don’t think you have 10 minutes to give to yourself. But you DO! I’m also someone who will always need a good 8 hours of sleep to function, so when I would wake up at 5am to do CrossFit years ago, 1) it wasn’t sustainable, and 2) my body HATED me. But getting up 10 minutes earlier? Hell yeah I can do that! (Sorry. I’m so passionate about this. Lol)

I also needed to get this out there before I’m considered a fraud. But you know what prioritizing those 10 minutes a day and eating the right foods have done? Give me MORE energy where I started going into my son’s room and doing some weights a few nights a week…and now I do yoga every night! And because of my type A personality with SOME (😉) things, my main motivation? This habit tracker that I get to color in after I completed a day! And who wants to see blank holes? Definitely not me! I’ve told Travis multiple times, if it wasn’t for coloring in my little date, I would’ve stopped a long time ago. Every night I’d look at which exercise I’d be doing the next morning and dread it. But I’d force myself to get up and do it because of that damn habit tracker! My 10 minute workout program gives you a rest day every 3 and then 2 days, and since I didn’t want a non colored hole, I will do 5 minute walking lunges. (If you want the slowest 5 minutes of your life, do walking lunges. Ha!…but the best part was having my kids cheer me on the first time I did them.) I also do 30 vacuum twists every morning and night and 100 calf raises every night. Because it’s this weird domino affect of wanting to do just a little more.

You guys. You know those people who ACTUALLY wash their face and brush their teeth and have a night time routine? (Like my sister 😆) I thought those people were INSANE! Like…where are the people who are so tired they throw their clothes on the floor and hop into bed as soon as their youngest child is in bed? Now those were my people! The ones who if they’re in bed and your daughter yells from the other room she’s thirsty or needs an apple and you yell back, ‘ask your dad! Mom is done for the day!’ Those were my people. But that’s not me anymore! I’m 42 years old and I have a freaking nighttime routine y’all! I put my daughter to bed and there’s still more of me to give if she needs it. And she does, fyi. I NEVER knew this could be real life. I thought this type of life was only in fairytales…or my sister’s life. Ha! And here’s the honest truth. It CAN be real life for every day people like you and me.

I’m not going to tell you it’s been easy. I pretty much hated everyone the first 3 weeks. Seriously. I was MORE tired than normal if you can believe that. I was irritable. And huge shoutout to my husband who did ALL the meal prep or I would’ve thrown in the towel after day 3 because I was hangry and wanted bread! I’m not lying. It. Was. Awful. And then my mom, bless her heart, came a week after my birthday with a huge pan of homemade cinnamon rolls. To bake in my oven y’all. So I could SMELL them baking. Seriously!?! I hadn’t told her about what we were doing because it was so early in the game. I didn’t need other people, on top of myself, doubting what I can or can’t do. I ate a quarter of a massive cinnamon roll because just like me, my mom makes things with love and I’m NOT going to hurt her feelings! (Thanks again, Mom ♥️) But lucky for me, my habit tracker isn’t about diet. (It is for Travis so he resisted the cinnamon roll 🤣) It’s about working out 10 minutes a day and drinking my water. So we’re all good…I could still color in my circle. Phew!

So here’s my advice to anyone. Give yourself 10 minutes a day and color in a habit tracker. Whatever that might look like for you. Color in SOMETHING. You’d be surprised. The magic doesn’t happen if you do an hour long workout every once in a while. The magic won’t happen if you do a 75 Hard Challenge once and nothing ever again. The magic won’t happen with unattainable goals. The magic WILL happen if you take 10 minutes for yourself and you’re consistent. I promise. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Let’s start normalizing that everyone’s lives are busy and not everyone has an hour of themselves to give. Not everyone’s body and health, mine included, can actually tolerate hour long workouts. Small changes equals big results. Trust me…Allow yourself 10 minutes a day and be consistent. Then hold on and watch the domino effect of endless changes in your mind, body, and soul.

You’re worth it.

~XOXO

♥️ Special Shoutout to My Husband. He’s legit the best human for me. He feeds me when I’m hangry, encourages me, believes in me, backs every crazy idea I ever come up with, (like trying Whole30 and committing to his own activity goal…he’s also crushing it!), and washes a thousand dishes a day including egg pans. Scrambled egg pans are the worst. Amongst doing all the dad things and working, of course. He’s the best ♥️

Thank you to my 2 little photographers, Grayson and Isla, for helping me track my progress. It’s hard. It’s awkward. It’s annoying. But take the picture ✌🏼

P.S. Now that I’m past the initial hard part of Whole30, I’m going for more of a 90/10 or 80/20 approach. It does not mean I will never have a cookie again. I’m not THAT crazy! 🤣😉 Eat good, Whole Foods, 90% (or 80%) of the time, and allow yourself some things you still love ✌🏼

I can’t believe we’re about to close out another year. I thought I was behind on getting this out there, along with everything else I’m behind on, but turns out I’m right on time! Last year I got our Christmas blog out on December 12th too! Speaking of December 12th…I’m supposed to be registering Talan for HIGH SCHOOL by TODAY! High School, y’all 🤯 This can’t be right. I’ve procrastinated on signing him up, but 8th grade night is already in January where they pick their classes and all the things and I’m not ready 😭 Anyways, enough about that. Time to give a recap of our 2022…

Travis ~ Continues to work at Kuehne + Nagel as a Senior Operational Manager, International Supply Chain. He’s been with KN for 5-1/2 years now! He’s been going back into the office a little more this past year, which I think has been a nice change of pace. When he’s not working, he’s doing all the Dad things and helping with chauffeuring the kids around to all of their activities or volunteering at church on Sundays. He’ll be rounding out this year turning the big 4-0!

Mandy ~ Welp. With all the kids in school this year, I decided to take on 3 jobs. I mean, why not? 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s made things a bit busy and the kids don’t always get fed or they might have to dig clean underwear out of the dryer, but it’s fine. Everything is totally fine! Ha!…I continue to do hair out of our home, which I love! I also started working in the school office 3 days a week which has been so fun, and I also work from home as a Talent Operations Coordinator for Advantage Solutions. My greatest joy is watching all of our kids being healthy and active in all of their many activities. If you know any part of my story, you should know that I most definitely do not take their health and ability to be active kids for granted at all.

Talan ~ (13 years old; 8th grade) Continues to grow as a soccer player. He was on the D2 team his first year in club soccer and made the jump up to YSSL (D1) and MWC this past Spring! He plays soccer year round, along with playing basketball for his school. I thought this winter would slow down a bit, but he’s playing or training for and with 5 different soccer teams/trainings along with basketball starting up. I told Travis he can manage Talan’s schedule and I’ll deal with the other 3. Ha!

Grayson ~ (11 years old; 5th grade) Loves to be in everything!…except basketball. He has made it clear he will NOT play basketball. He has kept busy with soccer, baseball, cross country, and gymnastics. He may be little, but he is strong! He loves all things sports and would be happy to sit on the couch watching football games with Dad all day. (Travis loves his love for watching football games with him on Sundays 😉) He also continues to be our puzzle and Lego kid. And one change this year is that he said math was his favorite subject! These boys definitely don’t get their math brain from their Mama! Thank goodness 🤣

Kylan ~ (9 years old; 2nd grade) Keeps busy going to Parkour twice a week, plays soccer in the Spring and Fall, and kept busy being in basketball clinics in the beginning of the year and took a basketball camp over the summer. He still loves creating with his sister, playing on any motorized little vehicle he can drive on, and playing his video games. Reading is coming slowly but surely and he has been able to make the switch and not be pulled out for math any longer! He still has homework modifications, but being able to stay in math class with his peers was an exciting win!

Isla ~ (6 years old; Kindergarten) started Kindergarten in the fall and LOVES school. She stays busy with being on Pre-Team in gymnastics and loves her dance class. If she’s not in school or at an activity she’s usually doing handstands or cartwheels throughout the house, singing and dancing to music she has me put on for her, or reminding me she has homework. She also loves creating. She will turn anything into a project or make use of complete junk! 😆 (she used stuffing from a stuffed animal, that got chewed open by Oakley, to make a bubble bath or hot tub in her Barbie playhouse pool. I mean…this girl…)

Oakley turned 2 in October and is currently enjoying an extended stay at Grandma’s house in South Dakota! We’ll be heading to AZ for Christmas, so Mom agreed to take Oakley home with her after Thanksgiving and will keep him until she comes back in January for my birthday and to help with my sister. We are beyond grateful to her for taking him, and I know he’s living his best life out there being able to play and run around with her dog in wide open spaces and just be a dog! He’ll probably be depressed for weeks once he’s back home 🤣🙈

Life is hard and can be messy, but may you all feel the Love of Jesus wrapped around you, have Peace in your homes and feel Joy in your hearts this Christmas Season and through the New Year!

~XOXO

The only possible thing that could have been worse this past week is losing my sister completely. And in this moment, it feels like I lost her. I know it’s temporary. Please, Lord, tell me it truly is temporary. These feelings are raw and real and no one can stop me from feeling this way.

I’m exhausted. Exhausted because I can’t sleep at night and have to take a nap during the day to help me get through each day. But then that prevents me from falling asleep at night. It’s a vicious cycle. And the one person I would text at night, is my sister.

She texted me today. She’s not supposed to have her phone. But she had it for just a brief moment. And she texted me. She said she was confused and asked if she had seen me today and said she misses and loves me. I told her she’s going to have to be patient with herself. And hopefully when there are less people in the house, and they’re back to their ‘normal’ routine, things will be quieter and it all will seem less confusing…But she didn’t see me today. She saw me yesterday and she doesn’t remember. So here I lay quietly sobbing, trying not to wake Travis up because I want her to remember. And I need to be strong and patient for her. Lord, please help her remember!

I thought everything would be so much better when she came home. I wasn’t mentally prepared to not have my best friend texting me throughout the day. I wasn’t prepared for her to not figure out when we should make Christmas cookies this year. My mom had to ask me about a Christmas sweatshirt that came in the mail. She doesn’t remember why she ordered it, so Mom figured that’s what it was for, but wanted to make sure. And it is. It was for when we’d make Christmas cookies! We were laughing about it on Thanksgiving when I got there, but tonight. Tonight, I just want to scream. I wasn’t prepared to not be able to discuss what we should get the girls this year for Christmas. It was going to be their American Girl Doll year. Isla’s getting her first American Girl doll, and I ordered an accessory to go with her doll from my sister. But I couldn’t quickly text what I should get Ellie. And I just want to scream. I wasn’t prepared for any of this. I feel so incredibly alone during what is normally my favorite time of year. I’m not in the mood for any of it. My sister and I plan all the things and our husbands just show up 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ In this moment, I don’t want to plan anything. But it’s just for the moment.

Kylan, bless his heart, has been giving me hugs out of nowhere. They got home from Talan’s soccer game tonight and the first thing he did was come into my room and said ‘Mommmm!’ And gave me the sweetest hug. Then he went and cleaned his room. No prompting. Nothing. He was so proud of himself!

Isla came and laid next to me and had me rub her back. These little people (and some not so little anymore 😭) need their Mama. I need to figure this out. And I know this. Trust me. I know this.

Travis has seriously been my rock. He’s let me absolutely lose my shit. He’s been quiet if I don’t want to talk, and he’s talked me off the ledge more times than I can count. But I have a family and I NEED to figure this out. No one is telling me I need to figure it out. But I know I do.

It’s amazing what this blog does for me. Truly. I don’t write in it often, but it’s there when I need it most. I started writing tonight not being able to sleep and crying into my pillow. And I’m ending the blog with a ton of bricks lifted off of my chest and ready to close my eyes.

In The Morning, When I Rise, Give Me Jesus…

I’m at peace. For the moment. Night. Night.

~XOXO

Yesterday was a good day. There was way more laughter than there were tears. In fact, I only cried when I came into the room and she said, “Hi Sissy!” I bawled in tears of joy and gave her a big hug because she sounded like herself. So. Much. Like. Herself. And she’s supposed to be discharged today! She had no seizures Monday night and she passed her OT tests with flying colors. Thank you, Lord. We’re on the road to recovery.

We found out yesterday that both her left and right lower temporal lobe was bruised from the seizures. Which explains why she not only has short term memory loss, but also some long term memory is gone. For now. We’re told it’ll come back. She does not remember that Walter, Grandpa or Grandma passed away. She also asked if people who are still living, are alive. And she asked multiple times. In light of everything going on, Angelo feels like he’s in the movie 50 First Dates, and is just so happy she remembers she loves him 😂🥹🥰

Although they couldn’t find a specific virus, they believe she had a viral infection in her body that caused the seizures. And two or more seizures puts you in the epileptic category. So they’re calling it Lower Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. She’ll have a PICC line for 2 weeks at home. And will follow up with a Neuro and Epilepsy Specialist.

After she’s done healing, which will take some time and we have to stay patient, and help her be patient with herself, she should continue to live a full, beautiful, life 🙏🏼🤍

One story I HAVE to share and I can’t stop laughing about is what I’ll call, ‘The Soup Story.’ I know. Super original 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ Monday evening, both YiaYia and our mom brought her soup. She ate YiaYia’s soup. She said it was good…but kind of chalky 😆 But she ate all of it! And then…she ate our Mom’s soup. She took one bite and said, “This soup is GARBAGE!” 😳🤣🤣🤣🙈 Oh my gosh, I had tears running down my face we were laughing so hard. When we were telling her the story yesterday, she did NOT remember saying that at all and felt terrible, apologizing over and over to my mom. Reassuring her that her soup was not garbage, her throat is just weird. And then she whispered to me, “Have I been rude? I hope I haven’t been rude!” 🥹😂🥰 We’ll be taking everything she says with a grain of salt for a while, and continue to find the humor in the midst of sadness and frustration. Because laughter, truly is…the best medicine.

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers. Your texts and messages. We truly are so grateful. By the time I finished writing this and ready to hit ‘publish,’ there was already a hiccup and now we aren’t sure if she’ll be home today or tomorrow. Regardless, she WILL be home for Thanksgiving ♥️

Please know that I receive every one of your texts and messages even if I haven’t been able to respond yet or right away. It feels like a very bad dream we’ve been in. I can’t wait to show her, every day if I have to, all of the love, thoughts, and prayers sent along the way.

On another note, Angelo hates social media. You won’t see a trace of him on there. (Except if my sister or I have posted a picture here or there 😉) I’m lucky that I’m one of his favorite humans 😆 because he’s letting me keep these blogs up. But this will most likely be the last blog posted specifically about my sister. He understands that writing is my therapy when something hard or traumatic is happening in this beautiful and messy thing we call…life.

~XOXO

Where do I begin? I don’t even know. What I do know is I got to FaceTime with my sister tonight since it was the first day I wasn’t able to be there, and she seems to be coming back to us. And in true sissy fashion, she was the one comforting me…

Last night the clock turned 7:11. I immediately texted my mom and brothers ‘7:11.’ My mom responded, ‘That’s how much you weighed when you were born!’ I said, ‘I know. Corrie would always text me 7:11 if she caught it on the clock.’ With no explanation, just ‘7:11.’ It was just our thing. (I like to think it’s just symbolic of her being blessed with 7lb 11oz me! 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️) But I sobbed last night when I caught that it was 7:11. All I wanted was a text from her and yet that idea seemed so far away. But after talking to her today, it doesn’t seem quite as far ♥️

It all started Friday evening. She got all dolled up and ready to go to dinner with her girlfriends for the Founders dinner for RLXCL. I mean, she’s seriously a die hard fan of these girls and their jewelry. Clearly. But look how beautiful she is 🥹

And Angelo, loving my sister so well, thought they should make a night of it and get a hotel room downtown. Eliana would stay overnight at one of their friend’s houses. (Blessing #1 and probably the biggest blessing of all. That little girl doesn’t miss a beat. She’s a die hard Mama fan, and would simply be traumatized if she saw what was about to happen and watch her sweet Mama leave in an ambulance.) He would drive Corrie and her friends to the dinner and pick them up. He’d bring all the girls home and then they’d go back to the hotel. So they were staying downtown. Close to a wonderful hospital. If they weren’t staying downtown, they wouldn’t have been sent to as great of a hospital. (Blessing #2)

When they got back to the hotel, they were just hanging out and talking when my sister started saying she was hot and then cold. So they decided to just lay down. Angelo rolled over and heard a weird scream/cry she let out. He turned around and her eyes had rolled back and her hands clenched up. He tried patting her face and yelling to her to try to get her to snap out of it. He called the valet and told them he needed help for his wife. By the time the ambulance and fire department got there, she had snapped out of it. She was a little confused but nothing too alarming. She was able to answer all of their questions and they looked her over. They thought she was okay, so they left. Not even 30 seconds later, it happened again and Ang was able to yell for help and they immediately came back and took her in the ambulance.

It would then be a long, I don’t even know how many hours until 8am when Angelo, Sharon and I could go see her Saturday morning. We walked into her room, heavily sedated with a ventilator in up in the Neuro ICU floor. It’s a sight I never want to see ever again.

They gave her anti seizure medication but still had to sedate and vent her because she kept having seizures in the ER and one was pretty big.

Because of the seizures in her left, lower temporal lobe, there is swelling to her brain which has affected her short term memory. Along with random, long term, memory things. (She asked Mom how Walter was 🥺) Once her brain heals, this will improve completely. (Blessing #3) And guys, she’s made so much progress. The prayers are working! So thank you from the bottom of our hearts, to all who have been praying for her. (Blessing #4)

She’s feisty and a fighter. (Blessing #5) She ripped out that ventilator herself Saturday night. We know she’s going to be feisty and fight her way back to being 100%.

I’m not going to go into an update of what they say it is quite yet, because things keep changing. It’s hard to keep up with. Just please pray the seizures stop completely. We’re moving in the right direction but they will not discharge her until she shows no seizure activity for at least 24 hours. The EEG monitor is picking up some small seizures in her brain that aren’t visible to us, or that she even notices. Last night she was finally down to only 1 small one that occurred.

In the state of IL, you can’t drive for 6 months after having a seizure, so there’ll definitely be some short term life changes that are worth it when you look at her being totally okay long term. And we’re continuing to pray that is what the outcome will be as we wait for further results to rule out different variables.

Her brain is slowly healing and she’s coming back. My sister is coming back to herself! 😭🥹

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today. And tell them you love them just one extra time. Be thankful for the small things. Because one day those small things might be so incredibly big. So incredibly big.

“Blessing”…God’s favor and protection. There really are too many blessings to count in the midst of what feels like, a terrible storm.

Corinthia Panagiotopoulous. You. Are. SO. Loved.

~XOXO

It’s almost Thanksgiving. Your favorite Holiday. And this year, This. Year. YOU, sweet sister, brought all of us together 🤍

You told me you had a weird feeling why we’d all be together this year. You weren’t sure why. But you had a feeling there was a reason.

You were SO excited for this weekend and coming week. We ordered the girls matching holiday dresses to go to the RLXCL Holiday Party downtown. Filled with your favorite things. RL+CL jewelry. Almost all your sisters on all sides of the family and Mom, together. 3 out of the 4 girl cousins in their matching holiday dresses. You were SO excited. Voula and I are here.

Brent’s family moved from AK to WI this summer and one of the first things you texted on our sibling text thread was that now he can be at Thanksgiving at your house! You were SO excited. And in true Brent, Air Force Pilot, Serious-man fashion, he replied ‘he’d have to see what the schedule would be but he’d get back to us.’ 🙄🤣 We knew he’d be there 😉 Brent is here and his family will soon be here.

You asked Rod if he and his family could come this weekend so he could be the photographer at Papou’s Surprise 80th Birthday party and then just stay through Thanksgiving. (Happy Happy 80th Birthday, Papou!) Ohhhhh, How Papou and Yiayia love you so, sweet sister. They are here…And Rod’s family, is here.

You got the house ready to sleep everyone. Mom, Sharon, Rod’s family and Brent’s family. At YOUR house. You even painted and got new furniture to be able to host your biggest Thanksgiving yet. Mom is here. And Sharon was here this weekend. Not for the festivities you may have had planned, but I know she’s so glad she was here!

The day after Thanksgiving you planned that we’d take all the cousins to Zoo Lights and everyone would come back to Crystal Lake to play at our house and have Chicken Chili.

Saturday. Saturday we were going to all head to Milwaukee to spend the day with Dad. All his Grandchildren would be running around playing in the gym of his church and school so we could all just be together. Dad was here.

These plans. These plans for your favorite Holiday were because of you, sweet sister.

Yet, much of them didn’t happen. We’ll take the next days one at a time. But there was a reason for all of it. We’re all here. With you.

You would need all of us here with you. That feeling you had. Why was it working out this year all of us would be together? Because God knew we’d also, all need each other. To be physically, together.

You promised Angelo tonight you’d be okay. You might not remember 3 minutes later that you made that promise. But we’ll remember until you do. Ang is going to hold you to that promise. And we will help you get there along the way 🫶🏼 And P.S. Angelo is most definitely here ♥️

You got us here. For Thanksgiving. Your Favorite Holiday. What a party we’ll have when you see all of us here. With you. We’ll all look around and see everyone together. Thanking God you’re here with us. And God will whisper in your ear and say, “This is why.”

~XOXO

When I got the notification that my blog site was renewed, I immediately thought I better make use of it and get another Christmas card out there! So here it is. Another year is about to close. And when we thought nothing could be worse than 2020, then BAM! In enters 2021. Pretty sure most of us are ready for a new year but at the same time are a bit apprehensive of what a new year will bring. Let us all brace ourselves. In all honesty, despite all the goings-on, I constantly try to focus on our many blessings. Even in our storms, there are always rainbows ahead.

Travis ~ Continues to be a Manager, International Supply Chain for Kuehne + Nagel in Elk Grove Village. If that title doesn’t scream ‘STRESS,’ I don’t know what does 😂 He just got back from a 5-day work trip which was good for the soul. It’s been nice having his newfound flexibility allowing him to work from home so that he can help with the overlapping of activities when needed. Because it is needed!

Mandy ~ I thought sending our last little off to school 3 days a week would leave me trying to figure out what was going to fill up my days. I had a list of projects I thought I’d be able to finally tackle, (some of the projects have been waiting for me to get done for 12 years now 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️) but that has been the furthest from my reality. I‘ve been blessed with clients continuing to keep me busy in between all the running around and day-to-day upkeep with everyday tasks.

Talan ~ (12-1/2 years old; 7th Grade) Still enjoys playing soccer and this past year started playing club soccer. He’s learned a ton and this next level was just what he needed to light a new fire within him. He was welcomed onto his new team with open arms and they’ve been such a fun team to watch! Along with indoor soccer, he’s playing on the basketball team at school. Hooray for the basketball season to be back! Between year-round soccer, practicing with the Cross Country team but never making a meet this fall, and playing basketball, he’s always looking for ways to gain more weight and get taller. He might be waiting a while! 😆 Can’t believe we almost have our first teenager in the house and our grocery bill is our biggest proof of that so far. Ha!

Grayson ~ (10 years old; 4th Grade) Has also continued to play soccer and turned into a beast out on the field this past fall. It was fun to watch his confidence grow. (It’s hard being in the shadows of an older brother 😉) He has found a new love of Parkour this year, and our little G is growing some little but strong pipes on those arms! He and Isla like to show off their upper body strength to the other 2 who can not do a pullover on Isla’s bars. Ha! He also still enjoys going to yoga once a week as well. As a 4th grader, he is able to now be a buddy to a Kindergartner and he comes home so excited on ‘buddy day’ telling me all about how cool his little buddy is. It’s so sweet. He continues to be our crazy Lego and puzzle kid. His patience, concentration, and attention to detail are amazing.

Kylan ~ (8 years old; Super 1st Grade) Has also played soccer again this past year. He has these amazing bursts of energy where he’s so intense and looks like nothing can stop him, but can fatigue easily. It’s honestly so fun to watch him, and can also be quite entertaining! He enjoys going to yoga with Grayson, has started guitar lessons and Parkour as well. Guitar has been quite the challenge because of his trouble processing and then processing multi-step directions, and then the coordination with his fine motor skills. It’s a lot! He loves his Parkour day the most because he can jump, roll, flip, dive, and climb. All things this kid craves. He’s begging me to get him into a basketball league but there isn’t much out there for his age.
This past school year we decided to switch schools so he’s with all of his siblings, and that also allowed us to hold him back and have him repeat 1st grade. He’s made many new friends and loves seeing his brothers and sister in the hallway and at recess.

Isla ~ (5 years old; Pre-K) Started preschool this year. she attends Immanuel 3 days a week and goes all day. She missed the cut-off for Kindergarten, and could totally handle going to school all day every day, but since she’s my last, I opted to have her go just the 3 days. She absolutely loves school but does NOT like that they have rest time. Ha! She continues to be in gymnastics, which has definitely been a love/hate relationship. She recently moved up to Hot Shots (the next level is Pre-Team)! 😳 We never know if she’s going to have an awesome practice or if she’ll be melting down the majority of the class. This girl. Lol! She struggles with transition and not being able to know how to do everything right away. But then once she gets it, she gets bored easily. It’s super fun 😆 I have to remind myself she’s a whole year or two younger than the others in her class, but I know she’s more than capable. It’s hard finding the perfect balance between where shes’s at physically, emotionally, and mentally. She’s loving dance and moved up to ‘Big Kid’ yoga in October because she turned 5. No more Tykes Yoga! Aka. Mommy and Me class. Thank you Jesus! 🤣 She does everything better when I’m not around! Seriously. She’s a completely different child from what I hear! She also had her first season of soccer this past fall. It was so fun having all 4 in soccer games on Saturdays but the juggling of all the soccer practices made my head spin a bit. Ha!

In October we were able to take a family vacation to Florida. We were in Magic Kingdom on Isla’s 5th Birthday (which by the way, she still didn’t think we celebrated properly because she didn’t have a birthday cake 😳🤣), we went to Universal Studios one day, and spent 3 days on Clearwater Beach. It was such an amazing vacation and the kids keep asking when we can go back.

And of course, I can’t forget about mentioning Oakley…even though I did. Oopsies.

We’re coming up on a year since we brought Oakley Palmer home. He turned 1 in October and loves destroying masks the most. I don’t blame him. He’s been a fun and sweet addition to our chaotic household.

May You All Have A Blessed Christmas Season And A Very Happy New Year! 2022, We’re Ready For You!…I Think.

~XOXO

365 days you’ve been gone earth side. 365 long days. 2020 was quite the year. It was a long, hard year, but yet I can’t believe it’s already been a full year that you’ve been gone.

I’ve spent so many days contemplating posting this picture. Some may think it’s too private. Too raw. Too real. But a picture is worth a thousand words. I only wish I would’ve captured when all his little people were standing next to his casket. Looking. Crying. Looking some more. Asking questions. Trying to figure it all out. Crying some more. These little people just lost their Gramps in what to them, and us, felt like a blink of an eye. They were ALL most definitely #teamgramps. Gramps made them all feel like they were the most important little humans that walked this earth.

This picture says so much. Here stands one of Walter’s ‘bonus’ grandsons, Peter Angelo. And Talan David. Talan was his very first Grandchild. Walter saw him within moments of being born. He was extremely quiet when he was born and didn’t really cry. I’ll never forget hearing how concerned others were because he was so quiet. Me, being a naive first time mom, having never given birth before, didn’t think anything of it. He was alert and looking around. But then Walter cheered the first time he let out a cry…and then continued to cheer whenever Talan would cry in the following months. He cheered! He made Talan’s cry the ringtone on his phone. What’s funny is, Walter didn’t like hearing any of his grandchildren cry. Often times he would leave the room because he wouldn’t like to see or hear them upset or hurt. But hearing Talan finally cry was so joyous to him. Then I was nervous Talan was going to grow up thinking he would expect everyone to always cheer for him because Walter would cheer every time Talan entered the room! I didn’t want him to get a big head! (No pun intended because he had a big head!) To sit and think of all the things Walter did for this child, is incredible really. Walter maybe couldn’t hear Talan’s final cries looking at his Gramps in a casket, but I’m sure Gramps would be cheering…or maybe leaving the room because he wouldn’t want to see Talan sad.

Kylan Jack woke up the morning of his funeral white as a ghost. He randomly didn’t feel well. A day where his dad was to be a pallbearer and his mom couldn’t miss her Step-Dad’s funeral. He had a headache. He hadn’t been sick in probably a year. And he hasn’t been sick a day since. Our tough Kylan Jack put on his funeral best and went to the viewing. Within 30 minutes, he threw up after seeing his Gramps in the casket. This little boy who was everything to Walter, who had the most indescribable bond with his Gramps just lost that and was physically ill. I truly believe that’s what it was. We stayed in a big house with all of the cousins. No one else in that house got sick. And he was only sick the day of the funeral. It makes my Mama heart hurt for our Kylan. For all of the grandchildren.

After the funeral, I remember checking on Kylan in the hallway. Shortly after, I turned around, and all these little boys, all these #teamgramps boys, in their black pants and black button down shirts lined up one by one against the wall and just sobbed. I gave each and every one of them a hug. It broke this Auntie/Mama’s heart.

Their Auntie Sharon, one of Walter’s daughters, made all of the kids a Gramps book. It has most definitely helped keep his memory alive. And I think it’s been the reason why Gramps comes up in conversation so frequently in our home. I’m beyond grateful for this gift that was given to them.

Sharon and John were able to come to IL for Thanksgiving. It was the first time we saw them since January. I asked if her and John wanted to come with us to pick out a Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. What I didn’t know, until after I asked them, was how special that was that they were here. Picking out our first real tree. The day after Thanksgiving. The year Walter died. And that brought back a flood of memories for her. She remembered going to pick out a tree every year with her Dad. The day after Thanksgiving. The stories she would tell warmed my heart. Even though John told me I’m going to find pine needles in next years Turkey, and I’m still laughing about that too. We’re continuing to make family memories. Because we are family.

Blended families are funny like that. From my own experience, they can start out tough. Like REALLY tough. You don’t understand why certain things are happening the way they are, but you continue to learn. And grow. And be stubborn. And learn some more. And grow even more. And eventually, you appreciate each other. And then you realize how much you love each other. As much as your own blood. And then you see how truly blessed you are, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Without Walter, I wouldn’t have my two bonus sisters. Who I call my sisters more than I ever refer to them as ‘Step-Sisters.’ Walter isn’t here. But we’re still family. And that. That would make Walter smile and say is just…Terrific.

365 Days. #bemorelikewalter

~XOXO