What started out as a very trying week that needed a mindset shift in a major way, only proved I CAN turn things around if I intentionally choose to do so. It took a whole lot of prayer and some deep breaths. But the spot I’m in today is much different from where I was in the beginning of the week. Certain circumstances can make it harder to change your mindset, and this week was full of them. I’ve been frustrated and down and I couldn’t pull myself out of this funk. But yesterday I was able to celebrate some small wins. Some small little miracles that for us are so BIG. And my mindset shifted. God is working in my little people even when I’m feeling like a failure as a Mom.
My mindset had to shift a little bit when after 2 weeks in daycare, we decided to keep the Little Miss home with me and I would just continue to plug away however best I can. My days are not perfect. They’re messy and unpredictable. They’re exhausting. And some day I’ll be so thankful for this time I had. But today, I’m tired. Kudos to everyone who has this ‘work from home/full time Mom’ thing figured out, because I’m still trying to figure it out. And as soon as I think I have it figured out, routines change.
Like this guy refusing naps this week, which in turn turned to him trying to make his own bagel yesterday even though I told him he had to play quietly so that Mom could get some work done…and then I hear smoke detectors going off and the kitchen filled with smoke. (Just add it to my list of what I need to child proof. Basically needing to barricade off the whole kitchen at this point) It still smelled like burnt toast when Daddy got home from work. I give him kudos though. My 8-1/2 year old has just started making his own toast.
Culprit 1:
And then this one.
Culprit 2:
My mindset had to continue to shift when not only did we decide to keep the precious babe home, but also take away her main comfort…the Baba. You know she’s slightly attached when handing her over to the nursery staff on Sunday morning she starts crying and I explain that her bottle is in the side pocket if she needs it. The sweet older lady says, “Can I just give it to her now? Is that OK? She reeeeeeally loves her bottle!” Then my husband said he was walking past 2 other ladies in the church talking amongst themselves about how cute she is and how much she loves her bottle. The one lady corrected the other one and said “her baba. She loves her baba.” So Little Miss, it’s time to cut ties. Clearly the word on the street is how much you love your baba and this is just one small thing that stinks about growing up!
Mom Fail Note: I forgot bottles were in the dishwasher Tuesday morning. She. Was. Freaking. Out. 
My mindset had to change when I couldn’t attend MOPS Tuesday morning because I wasn’t about to put the nursery ladies through an hour with the Little Miss not having a bottle.
I now know why parents just give up on small battles, such as getting rid of a bottle because they are *gasp* 3 months past when you’re supposed to get rid of it, once they have their 3rd or 4th child. You are emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Not only are you dealing with an upset toddler all day, but you’re dealing with 3 other kids who still require attention, guidance, correction, grace, praise, oh…and food! For the love of food, make it STOP! The kitchen is closed for the 100th time today.
But yesterday afternoon, my mindset really shifted. I couldn’t think of what could possibly be making me so upset. I was literally screaming inside. I had to tell the boys 3x to get their shoes on and I just started crying. My oldest just froze and didn’t know what to do. I’ve never cried while yelling at them before. I was frustrated. It was only the morning and I was already exhausted. My thoughts started to flood into my head that I have these horrible, disrespectful kids. And that simply isn’t the case. They’re kids. Who need reminders. And to be refocused. And disciplined at times. But they are sweet, gentle, loving souls who need grace. And understanding. And patience. Just like we adults need grace and understanding, and even patience.
Yesterday, after having my Mama meltdown, the day only got better. I received a call from my son’s Speech Pathologist that he had his best session at school. He needed a lot of visuals, but he knew all of the animals by himself! This is huge. And then Little Miss went down for her nap a little easier without having her bottle. Y’all! She’s not gonna go off to high school with a bottle in her hand! Because this is what her paranoid and slightly dramatic Mama was fearing. So yesterday I chose to focus on our small victories. And today is even a little better. She went down for a nap without throwing everything out of her crib because she was so mad! Ha!
So here’s the thing. I chose to choose my battles today. We’re on day 4 of the Little Mr. not taking a nap. All I want is for him to take a nap! But the other 2 were actually done with naps by the time they turned 2 and 2-1/2 years old. Child #3 was also done with them at 2 (or maybe even earlier), but when he started preschool, I started putting him down again. So this isn’t a battle I’m going to fight. He officially won. For now. And today, TODAY he was playing in the other room independently. And with toys! It’s a small miracle, so I let him play. I let him sing the songs he’s learning at school. I allowed him to make the house a little messier. Because he was playing. And talking to himself. And was having fun. And his tired and worn out Mama needs to give herself some grace and flexibility. Motherhood is far from perfect. But with a little grace, many prayers, and a whole lot of coffee (and chocolate), it’s so worth it.
~XOXO
Living With Intention and Giving Myself Grace 