I See You, Mama.

I see you, Mama. I feel for you, Mama. I was once there just a short while ago, Mama. It took me until just last month to realize it’s OK. You don’t need to explain yourself. No one else matters. Let people think what they want. The only ones that matter in your story are you and your child.

You see. I just got past my insecurities and comparisons of what my child can and can’t do about a month ago. He’s now 4-1/2. I used to get embarrassed he didn’t know any child characters when people would ask who was on his shirt or what he wanted to be for Halloween. I would get embarrassed when people would ask what color sucker he wanted and he would say “5” because he didn’t understand your question and he didn’t know his colors. When given the choice between a red or a blue sucker, he still wouldn’t know and would just give you a blank stare. I would get embarrassed. Just a month ago I was embarrassed when someone asked him to spell his name and he listed random letters without even getting the ‘K’ in there. I remember vividly starting to explain to this person, “he’s behind and doesn’t really know any of that yet.” I was talking OVER him when he was trying to answer the question and kept naming off random letters. I explained to my Mother-in-law I just feel like I need to sit and explain why he doesn’t know how to spell his name yet. And her response. “You don’t. You don’t need to say anything.” And she’s right. People are going to judge me as a mom regardless. Or they won’t. But I don’t need to go into an explanation of why he does or doesn’t know certain things. And guess what? I didn’t even realize he was naming letters. I was too in my head about what they’re thinking about me as a Mom, that I did not notice. He listed letters. Not numbers, not colors, not a random animal. He listed letters. And that in itself is a huge improvement. Because he knew what you were asking of him and he knows you spell with letters.

So when I see you every Wednesday afternoon when you get to therapy for your 20 month old. Please don’t be embarrassed. I don’t know your story. All I know is that your little boy is 20 months old. You carry him in, and he’s such a sweet little guy. He looks like he may have low muscle tone, but I don’t know. I don’t need to know. But when you see my 18 month old go charging for him, you tell him to stay up because “she’s 2 months younger and she’s standing better then you (him).” You say those exact words every week. But you don’t need to say those things, Mama. The comparisons are going to tear your heart out. The comparisons are going to beat you down. Trust me. I know it’s hard. Especially with social media and everyone showing what their child can do. But turn it all off if you need to. Focus on you and your little. Because that’s all that matters. Focus on the growth he may be making. Not that another child in the room is walking and running and standing better then your little one. Because he’s just as amazing. Speak encouragement into your child and you will watch him blossom.

I was there, Mama. You don’t even realize you’re doing it. I didn’t realize I was doing it. I would say “Oh he can’t do that.” Or “He doesn’t know what you’re saying.” And then I would try to shimmy my way out of the situation. I wanted to hide. I so badly wanted to sit down and just force him to watch some kid shows so the next person that would ask him what he wants to be for Halloween or what his birthday cake will be, he would have some sort of answer. I didn’t care what it was, just PRETEND you know who Mickey Mouse is. Please.

But that’s not who he was. I learned to see the world differently through his eyes. I learned to get into his head a little more. And we finally are finding the right professionals to help him. And it’s amazing.

Your little guy isn’t strong enough to stand very well and needs to hang onto a chair to stay up. And that’s OK. That’s why he’s getting the therapy he needs. You’re in the right place, Mama. This is your story to tell. No one else’s. And I’ll be cheering him on as I get to see little glimpses of change. He doesn’t need to stand as well as my 18 month old. The best thing you can do is focus on what he can do and the improvements he is making. And if there are none. Love that little boy fiercely. I know you do.

I’m still learning. But we’re in this together. I see you, Mama. And I’ll be praying for you and your sweet little boy.

~xoxo