Living With Intention and Giving Myself Grace

When I got the notification that my blog site was renewed, I immediately thought I better make use of it and get another Christmas card out there! So here it is. Another year is about to close. And when we thought nothing could be worse than 2020, then BAM! In enters 2021. Pretty sure most of us are ready for a new year but at the same time are a bit apprehensive of what a new year will bring. Let us all brace ourselves. In all honesty, despite all the goings-on, I constantly try to focus on our many blessings. Even in our storms, there are always rainbows ahead.

Travis ~ Continues to be a Manager, International Supply Chain for Kuehne + Nagel in Elk Grove Village. If that title doesn’t scream ‘STRESS,’ I don’t know what does 😂 He just got back from a 5-day work trip which was good for the soul. It’s been nice having his newfound flexibility allowing him to work from home so that he can help with the overlapping of activities when needed. Because it is needed!

Mandy ~ I thought sending our last little off to school 3 days a week would leave me trying to figure out what was going to fill up my days. I had a list of projects I thought I’d be able to finally tackle, (some of the projects have been waiting for me to get done for 12 years now 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️) but that has been the furthest from my reality. I‘ve been blessed with clients continuing to keep me busy in between all the running around and day-to-day upkeep with everyday tasks.

Talan ~ (12-1/2 years old; 7th Grade) Still enjoys playing soccer and this past year started playing club soccer. He’s learned a ton and this next level was just what he needed to light a new fire within him. He was welcomed onto his new team with open arms and they’ve been such a fun team to watch! Along with indoor soccer, he’s playing on the basketball team at school. Hooray for the basketball season to be back! Between year-round soccer, practicing with the Cross Country team but never making a meet this fall, and playing basketball, he’s always looking for ways to gain more weight and get taller. He might be waiting a while! 😆 Can’t believe we almost have our first teenager in the house and our grocery bill is our biggest proof of that so far. Ha!

Grayson ~ (10 years old; 4th Grade) Has also continued to play soccer and turned into a beast out on the field this past fall. It was fun to watch his confidence grow. (It’s hard being in the shadows of an older brother 😉) He has found a new love of Parkour this year, and our little G is growing some little but strong pipes on those arms! He and Isla like to show off their upper body strength to the other 2 who can not do a pullover on Isla’s bars. Ha! He also still enjoys going to yoga once a week as well. As a 4th grader, he is able to now be a buddy to a Kindergartner and he comes home so excited on ‘buddy day’ telling me all about how cool his little buddy is. It’s so sweet. He continues to be our crazy Lego and puzzle kid. His patience, concentration, and attention to detail are amazing.

Kylan ~ (8 years old; Super 1st Grade) Has also played soccer again this past year. He has these amazing bursts of energy where he’s so intense and looks like nothing can stop him, but can fatigue easily. It’s honestly so fun to watch him, and can also be quite entertaining! He enjoys going to yoga with Grayson, has started guitar lessons and Parkour as well. Guitar has been quite the challenge because of his trouble processing and then processing multi-step directions, and then the coordination with his fine motor skills. It’s a lot! He loves his Parkour day the most because he can jump, roll, flip, dive, and climb. All things this kid craves. He’s begging me to get him into a basketball league but there isn’t much out there for his age.
This past school year we decided to switch schools so he’s with all of his siblings, and that also allowed us to hold him back and have him repeat 1st grade. He’s made many new friends and loves seeing his brothers and sister in the hallway and at recess.

Isla ~ (5 years old; Pre-K) Started preschool this year. she attends Immanuel 3 days a week and goes all day. She missed the cut-off for Kindergarten, and could totally handle going to school all day every day, but since she’s my last, I opted to have her go just the 3 days. She absolutely loves school but does NOT like that they have rest time. Ha! She continues to be in gymnastics, which has definitely been a love/hate relationship. She recently moved up to Hot Shots (the next level is Pre-Team)! 😳 We never know if she’s going to have an awesome practice or if she’ll be melting down the majority of the class. This girl. Lol! She struggles with transition and not being able to know how to do everything right away. But then once she gets it, she gets bored easily. It’s super fun 😆 I have to remind myself she’s a whole year or two younger than the others in her class, but I know she’s more than capable. It’s hard finding the perfect balance between where shes’s at physically, emotionally, and mentally. She’s loving dance and moved up to ‘Big Kid’ yoga in October because she turned 5. No more Tykes Yoga! Aka. Mommy and Me class. Thank you Jesus! 🤣 She does everything better when I’m not around! Seriously. She’s a completely different child from what I hear! She also had her first season of soccer this past fall. It was so fun having all 4 in soccer games on Saturdays but the juggling of all the soccer practices made my head spin a bit. Ha!

In October we were able to take a family vacation to Florida. We were in Magic Kingdom on Isla’s 5th Birthday (which by the way, she still didn’t think we celebrated properly because she didn’t have a birthday cake 😳🤣), we went to Universal Studios one day, and spent 3 days on Clearwater Beach. It was such an amazing vacation and the kids keep asking when we can go back.

And of course, I can’t forget about mentioning Oakley…even though I did. Oopsies.

We’re coming up on a year since we brought Oakley Palmer home. He turned 1 in October and loves destroying masks the most. I don’t blame him. He’s been a fun and sweet addition to our chaotic household.

May You All Have A Blessed Christmas Season And A Very Happy New Year! 2022, We’re Ready For You!…I Think.

~XOXO

365 days you’ve been gone earth side. 365 long days. 2020 was quite the year. It was a long, hard year, but yet I can’t believe it’s already been a full year that you’ve been gone.

I’ve spent so many days contemplating posting this picture. Some may think it’s too private. Too raw. Too real. But a picture is worth a thousand words. I only wish I would’ve captured when all his little people were standing next to his casket. Looking. Crying. Looking some more. Asking questions. Trying to figure it all out. Crying some more. These little people just lost their Gramps in what to them, and us, felt like a blink of an eye. They were ALL most definitely #teamgramps. Gramps made them all feel like they were the most important little humans that walked this earth.

This picture says so much. Here stands one of Walter’s ‘bonus’ grandsons, Peter Angelo. And Talan David. Talan was his very first Grandchild. Walter saw him within moments of being born. He was extremely quiet when he was born and didn’t really cry. I’ll never forget hearing how concerned others were because he was so quiet. Me, being a naive first time mom, having never given birth before, didn’t think anything of it. He was alert and looking around. But then Walter cheered the first time he let out a cry…and then continued to cheer whenever Talan would cry in the following months. He cheered! He made Talan’s cry the ringtone on his phone. What’s funny is, Walter didn’t like hearing any of his grandchildren cry. Often times he would leave the room because he wouldn’t like to see or hear them upset or hurt. But hearing Talan finally cry was so joyous to him. Then I was nervous Talan was going to grow up thinking he would expect everyone to always cheer for him because Walter would cheer every time Talan entered the room! I didn’t want him to get a big head! (No pun intended because he had a big head!) To sit and think of all the things Walter did for this child, is incredible really. Walter maybe couldn’t hear Talan’s final cries looking at his Gramps in a casket, but I’m sure Gramps would be cheering…or maybe leaving the room because he wouldn’t want to see Talan sad.

Kylan Jack woke up the morning of his funeral white as a ghost. He randomly didn’t feel well. A day where his dad was to be a pallbearer and his mom couldn’t miss her Step-Dad’s funeral. He had a headache. He hadn’t been sick in probably a year. And he hasn’t been sick a day since. Our tough Kylan Jack put on his funeral best and went to the viewing. Within 30 minutes, he threw up after seeing his Gramps in the casket. This little boy who was everything to Walter, who had the most indescribable bond with his Gramps just lost that and was physically ill. I truly believe that’s what it was. We stayed in a big house with all of the cousins. No one else in that house got sick. And he was only sick the day of the funeral. It makes my Mama heart hurt for our Kylan. For all of the grandchildren.

After the funeral, I remember checking on Kylan in the hallway. Shortly after, I turned around, and all these little boys, all these #teamgramps boys, in their black pants and black button down shirts lined up one by one against the wall and just sobbed. I gave each and every one of them a hug. It broke this Auntie/Mama’s heart.

Their Auntie Sharon, one of Walter’s daughters, made all of the kids a Gramps book. It has most definitely helped keep his memory alive. And I think it’s been the reason why Gramps comes up in conversation so frequently in our home. I’m beyond grateful for this gift that was given to them.

Sharon and John were able to come to IL for Thanksgiving. It was the first time we saw them since January. I asked if her and John wanted to come with us to pick out a Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. What I didn’t know, until after I asked them, was how special that was that they were here. Picking out our first real tree. The day after Thanksgiving. The year Walter died. And that brought back a flood of memories for her. She remembered going to pick out a tree every year with her Dad. The day after Thanksgiving. The stories she would tell warmed my heart. Even though John told me I’m going to find pine needles in next years Turkey, and I’m still laughing about that too. We’re continuing to make family memories. Because we are family.

Blended families are funny like that. From my own experience, they can start out tough. Like REALLY tough. You don’t understand why certain things are happening the way they are, but you continue to learn. And grow. And be stubborn. And learn some more. And grow even more. And eventually, you appreciate each other. And then you realize how much you love each other. As much as your own blood. And then you see how truly blessed you are, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Without Walter, I wouldn’t have my two bonus sisters. Who I call my sisters more than I ever refer to them as ‘Step-Sisters.’ Walter isn’t here. But we’re still family. And that. That would make Walter smile and say is just…Terrific.

365 Days. #bemorelikewalter

~XOXO

I actually had forgotten I wrote a Christmas letter in my blog last year until I was scrolling back on FB and I came across the blog I had written. I clicked on it to see what I had written and man, I sure didn’t see that one coming when I wrote at the end, ‘We are excited for the new decade and all that 2020 will bring.” Boy did 2020 bring A LOT.

And Because 2020…

Travis ~ Continues to work for Kuehne + Nagel in Elk Grove Village. However, he’s been working remotely since March. He has been so busy that if he weren’t working remotely, I’m not sure how much we would be seeing him with adding in his commute and then jumping on calls in the evenings, so we are thankful for these months he has been working from home. I’m not sure if he feels the same way though. 😂 Due to the pandemic, there has been no basketball for him to coach one of the boys’ teams, but he still continues to be the rockstar Husband and Dad that he is.

Mandy ~ While this has been a challenging year, to say the least, the most exciting thing that has happened was finally having a salon space and bathroom built in part of our unfinished basement! This has been something I’ve wanted since I was little, and I feel incredibly blessed that we were finally able to make it happen!

Talan ~ (11-1/2 years old; 6th grade) Played soccer this fall, although much different…It was great he still had the opportunity to do what he loves! He was also able to participate in Cross Country through his school for the first time this fall. He had a lot of fun and was happy to be able to participate in a school sport. There is no basketball season this winter, so that’s been a bit different. Luckily his soccer coach has still been holding random pick-up indoor soccer scrimmages for those who can make it, so he’s gone to that a couple of times. He also made the part of Michael Banks in Mary Poppins Jr that was supposed to happen this past Spring. They had only gotten in a handful of practices before the shut down, so that getting canceled was a bummer for him. Besides school and the sports he was able to participate in, he was happy that his camp in WI wasn’t canceled during the summer and enjoyed being bunk mates with 2 of his cousins!

Grayson ~ (9 years old; 3rd grade) Played soccer this fall and was excited being on a team with 2 of his classmates from school! He also enjoys going to kids yoga once a week. He’s finding a new love of reading at school, is excited to tell us anything new he’s learned, and loves all things ‘social’ in school. We’re very happy the big boys’ school has been in-person this year, and Grayson’s class hasn’t had to go remote once this school year! What a blessing! He continues to be our puzzle and lego kid, and during the summer he also found a new hobby of drawing and enjoys watching and drawing along to tutorials on YouTube. He’s looking forward to joining Talan and a couple cousins at summer camp this coming year!

Kylan (7 years old; 1st grade) Played soccer this fall, and although he loves playing “real soccer” (games), he does not enjoy going to “fake soccer” (practices). 😂 So we’ll see if he continues on this Spring. He loves going to yoga with Grayson, and has started private swim lessons a few weeks ago, which he loves! He started a new school this year and has been doing “house school” (remote learning), which he does not enjoy. Mom doesn’t either. 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ We’re praying that he can return back to in-person school soon! He continues working with a resource teacher for math, reading, and writing, along with receiving Speech and OT services. He was able to knock PT off of his IEP this fall! He continues to love all things police, and as Travis says, he loves to ‘create!’ This kid is a creative tornado and makes something new almost daily with whatever he can find. This includes breaking things in order to create things. 😆 He also goes out on the trampoline any chance he can during the day. I’m curious to see how cold it will have to get before he doesn’t go out there on his breaks anymore.

Isla ~ (4 years old; Mommy School) is loving going to yoga every week and being able to spend time with a couple of her favorite people, Ms. Dana and Nella. Mom is thankful for the break too! She also loves gymnastics, and she just started dance this week! After months of playing “ballerina school,” and asking to be in dance, I caved. With her not going to school this year due to the pandemic, and gymnastics shutting down here and there, I figured it was the perfect time. I’m excited to see where her passion will lie. Why do I feel like she’s going to love everything. 😆 The girl is beyond ready for school and loves practicing her name and working on preschool workbooks that I have. She LOVES singing and music, reading books, painting, and playing game after game after game. She also loves “her boys.” ❤️

January started out our extremely hard year with my step-dad of 21 years (it would have been their 22nd Wedding Anniversary on Thanksgiving Day), passing away suddenly. I will forever be thankful that we were able to go to Tucson last Christmas and spend time with my mom, Walter and one of my brothers and his sweet family. It was a memorable trip that we will cherish forever.

Life without ‘Gramps’ has been hard and grief just sort of creeps up on you when you least expect it. While we’re sad he’s not here with us, we’re thankful that he’s resting in the arms of Jesus, and we can’t wait to be reunited with him again in Heaven.

If you’re a new social media friend this year, you can read more about Walter/Gramps in these 3 blogs I posted in January:

38 Rocks

Why Do We Wait

Well Done

Gramps’ funeral allowed all of our blended family (coming from Singapore, Tennessee, Illinois, LA, Alaska, and Arizona) to gather in MN for a week, which was much needed. We are so thankful this happened before the pandemic or things would have looked much different. There’s a silver lining to everything, isn’t there?

The most exciting part of 2020 was that we bought a new home in March! We’re loving all the space and the neighborhood we’re in.

My mom also relocated from Tucson to IL to be closer to her 2 daughters and 6 out of her 12 grandchildren. It has been nice having her only 30 minutes away!

May You All Have A Happy, Healthy, And Safe Holiday Season. May God Bless Each And Every One Of You This Christmas Season, And May You Have A Very Happy New Year!…Congratulations! We made it!

~XOXO

2020. What a year it has been. And it’s only April.

January 13th was the beginning of an incredibly hard time for our family. After a long 6 days, my Step-Dad went Home to be with Jesus on the 18th. The 24th was his funeral and the 27th was his burial.

February 3rd, Isla and I went house hunting. In the midst of a very sad time, it was an exciting time too.

We found a house that day. And I’m SO glad. My energy for this process wasn’t there. At all. Grief is hard. I also had been looking at houses online for almost a year and I was already exhausted. We were actually supposed to look at the house we bought, a few days before leaving for the funeral in MN. I had to cancel that day and I prayed the house wouldn’t sell before I could get there when we got back…February 8th we wrote up an offer and February 11th was the inspection.

My in-laws came to visit on March 12th and Friday the 13th was the kids’ last day of school. As in, GOING to school. I was originally planning on going to AZ for a 4-5 day trip to get certified in hair extensions and see some friends, so I arranged for Travis’ parents to come help with the kids so that Travis wouldn’t have to use any vacation days. Instead, because of purchasing a home quicker into 2020 then anticipated, I decided this year wasn’t the year to make the investment on that education. Thank goodness I didn’t go. Little did I know that part of the time I would have been away was in the thick of all the coronavirus happenings. Plans were being made AND implemented on having our children do distant learning. Meaning school at home. So Yes. The week I decided to stay back from AZ to instead pack up a house, was the week we started doing some distant learning. It was a ‘light’ week. But still. It was…interesting 🤣 You know the term cluttered house, cluttered mind? Or whatever it is. That was me. I mean boxes were EVERYWHERE. I had sold our table so I brought up folding tables and chairs. The house was completely torn apart! I should’ve taken pictures just for the memories.

Saturday, March 14th we had started using Kleenex instead of toilet paper because there was a toilet paper shortage. But low and behold, we were able to show our in-laws the house we would be buying, and found…toilet paper! (Don’t worry, the house had been vacant for at least a month as the sellers had already moved out of the Country. We didn’t steal their toilet paper 😂)

You really can’t even make all this up.

The following week…Spring Break. And more packing. And closing on the house…March 25th (my sister’s birthday) was the day! Oh, and I almost forgot, after close I had to bring Grayson to the dentist. Of course he developed a bad infection when dentists were closed the previous week and he ended up needing to have that tooth extracted. You know. Just to add a little more excitement to our day! He was a champ through it all. And of course he did well because the dentist told him knock knock jokes through the whole appointment. G-man lives for knock knock jokes. Lol. Anyways…March 28th the movers came. March 30th was the *hopeful* back to school day but ended up being another *Act of God* day, so thankfully, the kids had an extra day off for me to get somewhat organized before distance learning started again. Deep breaths, Mandy. This was now going to be ‘The Real Deal.’

We’re having a dining table made that was supposed to have a finish date of May 1st, so I set up classroom in the dining room. If we are still doing distance learning into May (which my gut is telling me this will be the case) and If our table is done (I have no clue what the schedule for completion is at this point), we’ll move the classroom into the living room…where there won’t be furniture until at least June 😂 I mean, if anything, at least we’ve got options, right!?

Thursday, April 2nd, a surprise showed up! I was outside with the kids (it was beautiful outside!) so I didn’t have my phone on me. Here I had a text and missed call from a handyman that he took down the trampoline at our dear friend’s house and he was ready to bring it over! Kylan and Isla had been begging me all week to call him. I sort of lied because those 2 aren’t really understanding these limits we’re being put on, so I told them I left a message and I hadn’t heard back yet when he can bring it over 🤷🏼‍♀️. I figured with the stay at home order in place, I didn’t want to put pressure on someone if they weren’t comfortable doing a job for me. But man, I sure hoped it would somehow happen. I mean, we are doing distance learning, there’s a stay at home order, and I now have all 4 kids…and a husband who seems to be working around the clock, home. All. Day. Long. Plus needing to unpack and get organized. And who even knows what we’ll eat. Do I SERIOUSLY have to feed my family too!?! Chips for breakfast? Sure! At this point I don’t even know what end is up, so Lord, PLEASE make that trampoline appear!…And it did!

So here we are. April 6th. This past weekend we got through the last of the boxes. Nothing is hung, or decorated, but our life seems a *little* more in order in the midst of the chaos that surrounds us.

I’ve honestly felt like the worlds worst mother during all of this. While I’m seeing families cooking. And baking. And bike riding. And writing with chalk on neighbors driveways. And having game nights. And doing all the things. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Sunday afternoon Trav and I finally played Uno with our oldest two while Kylan and Isla were destroying the newly organized toy room! You read that right. We have never had a toy room with a door. That you can shut. You know, so toys are contained to ONE room. And because it’s technically a bedroom, it has a closet for games, and dress up clothes. And allllll the things contained in ONE space. Until they’re not…

But it’s still exciting. Because I can have them clean up and they don’t have to ask me where it goes. It’s the small things. And this one might be life changing. Thank you, Jesus.

Honestly, it’s not even the distance learning that has seemed like a lot. It’s everything on top of the distance learning.

Talan, Mr Wise-Beyond-His-Years, has been doing his work and logging into google classroom all by himself. I got an email tonight that he has no missing work! Thank you, Jesus, for my self sufficient, easy, 1st born child.

Grayson…it’s been so fun working with him! Man he gets side tracked easily and needs to constantly be re-focused. But the kid cracks me up. And the excitement he has doing little activities is just the best! This is his Suit of Armor he created for a religion activity. Thank you, Jesus, for my 2nd born’s sense of humor. He’s the most like his Mama.

Then there’s our Kylan Jack. A little background on the most recent with him. The first week we ended up doing distance learning (before Spring Break), I was supposed to have a meeting to increase his Literacy minutes from 30 minutes per day to 60 minutes per day. With going into 1st grade, and really diving right into reading, they would hate for Kylan to still be trying to figure out his letters while everyone else is reading. We know Kylan’s AWESOME brain works and processes differently, and slower right now. So his wonderful resource teacher just wants to give him some extra help then what has been already getting. But then a stay at home order and distance learning was in the works and we couldn’t have a meeting. I started to panic internally. How am I going to keep up with helping 3 kids with all of their work, PLUS not make 1 of them fall further behind!?

Side note: I’m the mom. Which means I get the brunt of every emotion this kid has. Every. Single. One. Let’s just say, he’s a perfect little angel and puts on his Kylan charm for everyone, and then let’s loose on his Mama. But I get it. And we’ve been learning together how to best cope with this. But now I have to do school with him?? Jesus take the wheel.

Anyways, he has been blessed with the best teachers and his resource teacher has set up time to do sessions with him every single day. Again…thank you, Jesus!

Travis and I have the understanding that I do the best I can with him, and then Travis can *hopefully* work with him in the evenings, if time allows. He’s better for Dad. Even if it means he ends up putting together a lego set, it’s still using his brain and concentration, right? 😉 Thank you, Jesus, for our stubborn and extremely hard working sweet number three.

Last but not least…Isla. Oh Isla. I knew she liked being naked but you don’t realize how often she’s actually naked until you have to keep her out of the background of classroom zoom meetings. And this house has more windows. So there’s that too 😂🙈 She actually doesn’t seem phased by having her brothers back home with her all day. Every day.

Thank you, Jesus, for blessing our family with even more entertainment. And sass. And sparkles. And songs. And dancing. This is our Isla Amelia Lynn.

I can’t forget Travis. The one behind the scenes who really is such an important guy in our lives and in this quarantine life that is right now. I mean, when else will I ever be able to write about him working in a closet? In our new house, he’s no longer in a closet, FYI. Although it worked out really well! This, in fact, is our 2020.

This has been our quarantine life. 2020 has been painful. And hard. And in between the pain and the hard, it’s been a beautiful mess. And even though I’m up writing way past my bedtime right now (it’s now actually April 7th), the past couple weeks I’ve been able to sleep through full nights again for the first time since the night of January 13th. (If you know me, you KNOW I need my sleep!) Thank you, Jesus.

Even if I haven’t been able to create the most amazing experiences for them, our kids are happy. And healthy. And safe. And Grayson says he never wants to go back to school and would like to just continue doing it this way 😳 He loves sleeping in. Going outside when he needs a brain break. And probably really enjoys being able to tell me any random thing that pops into his head at that VERY moment. I’m hoping now that things seem a little more ‘settled,’ we can get to some of those creative activities I’ve been seeing you all doing. (I’ve been taking mental notes!) We’re taking one day at a time. Doing things the best we can. And never forgetting to count our many blessings and remembering to say so many bold prayers for the hard everyone is going through. We will get through this. Together. ❤️

~XOXO

You did it Walter! You are Home Free! Your incredibly intelligent brain is healed. You’re whole again and resting in the arms of a Jesus. We are SO incredibly sad here on earth, but are rejoicing that you are in Heaven with our most awesome Lord and Savior.

When my Dad was in the hospital, I put into Pandora ‘It Is Well With My Soul.’ This station ended up playing the most comforting and powerful mix of praise songs. I played it day in and day out until he was out of the hospital.

Then my Grandma was dying. It was a saved station. Again I played it during her dying process.

And now you. All I’ve been able to do is listen to this station all week. It has brought so many tears but also so much comfort. One song that brings me to tears every time is “Go Light Your Candle.” It speaks to me. And reminds me of you, dear Dad. You were a light here on earth I can’t imagine how light Heaven must be with you in it.

Well done Walter. You will forever be loved. Always Remembered. And memories will most definitely be cherished. How fitting that this popped up in my memories today. You have kept this as your profile picture for the majority of the past 9 years…9 years!

You and your first grandson.

Well. Done. The post “Why Do We Wait.” Has far exceeded the amount of views then any other post I have done. I sure hope my message will continue to get out, and more people will #bemorelikewalter .

I love you and can’t wait til the day I get to see you again and hear you say…”Love ya, hunny!”

~xoxo

It feels like a bad dream. A really REALLY bad dream. We we were just with him at Christmas. He worked hard to figure out the pool so the kids could swim. He went on a 2-1/2 hour hike with the boys. He would let us know when the sunset would happen so the kids could go on the rooftop. Tucson sunsets were his favorite.

Cigars. Cigars were his favorite.

Walking his dog Hank…Hank was his favorite.

His ‘brothers’ he had lunch outings with in MN. His ‘brothers’ by choice, were his favorite.

My Mom. She was most definitely his favorite.

His ‘girls.’ Blood or not, all 4 of us were his favorite.

His family, ALL of his family, were his favorite. And I can say without a doubt, we ALL knew we were his favorite.

So why do we wait?

I thought for sure he would wake up and Mom could show him my blog I wrote about him. Showing just a glimpse of the impact he’s had on our lives.

He didn’t wake up. He became less responsive. I asked my sister to PLEASE have someone read my blog to him. He has to know. And that was just a glimpse.

So why do we wait?

We wait until someone is passing away or has passed away. We wait for birthdays. We wait for anniversaries. We wait.

Walter didn’t wait. Many who read this blog also follows me on Facebook or Instagram. A common name you would see commenting, liking, loving, or laughing at my posts, would be ‘Walter Payfer.’ He didn’t let ego get in his way. He wore his heart on his sleeve and he wore it well.

This picture?

I used it as a joke in a status. He wrote “She is delightful!” And he meant it.

So why do we wait?

I urge everyone with every ounce of my being, DON’T WAIT. I know he knows how much we all loved him. He did. But to what extent? I’m not sure.

If someone has been influential in your life. Tell them. Now.

If someone makes you laugh. Tell them.

If someone’s loving nature makes you feel safe and you can tell them your deepest secrets. Tell them how much that means to you.

If you have gratitude for someone. Tell them.

If someone hurts you and you’re angry. Tell them. Now. So you can heal and move on.

Don’t let your feelings and quiet thoughts go unnoticed.

If you aren’t comfortable telling someone with your words. Write it. Or show it with your actions. But don’t wait.

When Walter heard Talan was in the chess club at his school in AZ, he was so excited. Anything using your brain, Walter loved. The next time we saw him, he gave Talan a nice chess board. It wasn’t his birthday or Christmas. But he wanted to share in Talan’s excitement of playing chess.

When Walter and Mom were here for Thanksgiving, Mom got sick and they couldn’t spend much time at our house. (They were staying with my sister) They were only able to come out for one day so I could do my mom’s hair. I made sure I had a bag of salad and blue cheese dressing. Ever since his first brain bleed, Walter said he had to eat salad every day. But not spinach. That would kill him. It was funny how honest he was. Almost like a child. Just telling you how it is. Anyways, he showed so much appreciation and gratitude at the fact that I had a bag of salad and dressing for him. Even though he was only here for a few hours. He just raved to my mom (with me standing there) how nice that was. And I felt his genuine gratitude.

When I had to stay an extra night in Tucson at Christmastime, he wanted to come with to say goodby at the airport. He could’ve stayed home and just said goodbye there. But he came with. And I won’t forget his last words I would ever hear from him. “Love ya, hunny.”

Walter let us know with his words AND his actions.

He loved us all fiercely.

This isn’t the start of a new decade I was expecting. We lost my Maternal Grandma 7 months ago. And now one of my Dads. Blood or not, he was my Dad. My mom will have lost her Mom and Husband in less then a year.

What I’m going to take into the new decade is my own tribute. And live out Walters legacy to #bemorelikewalter .

I won’t wait. Whether with my words, letters, comments/reactions on social media, I hope everyone will know EXACTLY how I feel about them. Don’t be scared.

Don’t let your ego get in the way. Love fiercely. Live abundantly. And #bemorelikewalter

~xoxo

What better time to write in my sad, neglected, blog, then for the Holidays!

The last time I sent out a Christmas card was the year Kylan was born. 6 years ago. So here I am, 6 years later, deciding to ‘send out’ a blog post in lieu of a Christmas card. However, I’ve never written a letter about us. So this seems odd…please excuse my rookie Christmas-writing skills.

Travis ~ He’s been with Kuehne + Nagel in Elk Grove Village for 2-1/2 years, and headed into December with a promotion as Manager, Midwest Control Tower, ISC (whatever that means 😂). This past year he coached Talan’s Basketball team through Upward and will be coaching again in January. He continues to be the solid rock of our beautiful, chaotic, messy, BLESSED life, and helps keep my head from spinning with juggling all the schedules for everyone.

Mandy ~ This year brought many changes. The major change being that I am no longer juggling 2 jobs (working from home) while also being a stay-at-home mom and trying to keep myself healthy. As scary as it was to take a step back and focus on what’s most important, God has once again, proven that His plan for our family is so much bigger than what I thought I was supposed to be doing! Besides managing the household, I have been able to use my talents doing what I love…hair! Chiropractic care continues to be my #1 when dealing with CVS (Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome), and God has placed a special Mama in my path, who has a daughter in Grayson’s class, that also has CVS. It’s been good for my soul to connect with someone who gets it. Our church and school family continues to be such a blessing in our lives, and the word that sticks out for this past year has most definitely been ‘Connection.’ I’m so thankful for all of the connections I’ve made!

Talan ~ (10-1/2 years old, 5th grade) Played soccer for 2 teams this fall (U12 and U14), he played basketball for his school, Immanuel, last school year and is playing again this year. He played his 2nd year of basketball through Upward, enjoyed a week away at summer camp, and went to basketball camps over the summer as well. Math continues to be his favorite subject (he can’t be my kid 😂). He’s our wise-beyond-his-years child who amazes us daily. He continues to push himself out of his comfort zone (with little nudges from us), and it’s been fun watching him grow into such a cool kid. Oh, and I now slip his shoes on to run outside…and they’re too big for me! Time needs to slow down with this one.

Grayson ~ (8 years old, 2nd grade) Played his first season of soccer, and decided baseball wasn’t his thing. At that age, it’s not our thing either. 😂😅🤷🏼‍♀️ He enjoyed making a ‘bucket list’ for the summer which included learning to ride a bike (he’s previously had no interest, but wanting to take off with Talan and not be left behind I think was the appealing factor in this), and learning to tie his shoes. He completed both and I can’t wait to see what goals he sets for himself this coming summer! He continues to be our most ‘exciteable’ kid and has the best comments. The other day he told Trav, “Sometimes I think about stuff, and just get so excited…I just need to SHAKE!” 😂😂😂 He is also our master at putting puzzles and LEGO kits together, loves Pokémon, and likes the social part of school the most.

Kylan ~ (6 years old, Kindergarten) Played his first season of soccer with his best buddy this fall, who’s amazing Mom was his coach (I’m SO thankful for her!), he started all day Kindergarten, and continues to be our #1 Chiro kid. He knocked social services off his IEP in October! He’s still receiving services in PT, OT, and Speech. Whenever I go into his school, the main response I get from people is them putting their hand over their heart and whispering to me, “I just LOVE him!” It makes a Mama’s heart swell to see he has such a big Village genuinely loving on him daily. After school is our biggest challenge, but I would prefer to be the brunt of his emotions/outbursts. He looks forward to his veg time once he gets home, so leaving to bring his brother to basketball practice or appointments right when he gets off the bus is not his favorite. The growth he has made in the past year is still amazing when we take the time to see how far we’ve come. He continues to love police cars, ambulances and fire trucks and can spot them from miles away! He also told me he “loves school because people always says “WOW!” To me.” 😂

Isla ~ (3 years old, ‘Mommy School’ as she says 🤷🏼‍♀️) Started Tykes Yoga where she LOVES all the singing and nursery rhymes/actions she gets to do. She also started Kindergym Gymnastics which she LOVES, and likes to remind Daddy that they need to “go swimming” together. So that may have to be an added activity at some point. When schedules aren’t so crazy. Ha! Who am I kidding? The schedules are only gonna get get crazier. She was a trooper going to all those soccer games and talks about wanting to play every time we’re at Dick’s and she sees all the pink cleats 😉 She loves singing at the top of her lungs and continues to enjoy being extra… and I can confidently say, the boys are loving what she brings to our family as well.

2019 had some fun memories. The guys went on a trip in Northern MN with Travis’ Dad, their Papa, in July. We went on a family vacation to TN and KY in August, and Travis and I were able to get away in October for a few days. We will be rounding out our year going to Tucson, AZ for Christmas to be with my Mom, Step-Dad, and one of my brother’s family. Say a prayer for us as this will be the first time flying as a family of 6!

We still had some not so fun times…the main one being my Grandma passing away in June. She was 95 and our last living Grandparent. While we rejoiced that she went Home to her Heavenly Father and was reunited with Grandpa, it has still been difficult.

We are excited for the new decade and all that 2020 is going to bring.

May you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!

~XOXO

Last Wednesday I posted this on my Facebook page. And I’m posting it here so I remember how I felt the day we buried my Grandma and the thoughts I had…

‘We said our final goodbye at Grandma’s burial. It’s a very sad and different feeling leaving MN. My roots are gone, but my heart will always be here ♥️ I’m proud of the person I’ve become because of where I came from. I only hope to continue to smile as bright as my Grandpa, love my family fiercely, and do everything with a grateful and joyful heart just as he did. I hope to stop and smell the roses or watch the birds. Keep my body moving, be a spitfire in this life, take care of myself and speak up for myself just as she always encouraged me to do, and at the end of the day, remember to pray for my family individually…just as Grandma did. Until we meet again…✝️’

My advice for all the Grandparents out there, or future Grandparents is this…Don’t spoil your Grandchildren with things. That’s not what they’ll remember.

If you’re able, bring them on little trips. Individually. To have quality 1 on 1 time with just them. Or if you can’t do a little trip, have them visit by themself over the summer. And don’t wait too long. They’ll be grown, and so will you, before you know it, and the time available will be limited.

Don’t always focus on what they like. Do things YOU like and get them involved. Whether it’s gardening, hunting, berry picking, fishing, cooking, watching the birds eat from your bird feeder…do those things. And do them often.

Write notes. It doesn’t have to be on a fancy card. Find something random around your house, and write a letter. Write a letter of excitement, encouragement, support…or disapproval and disappointment if that’s what’s needed. I guarantee you, your words will mean more than anyone else’s at that very moment. But write it in your handwriting.

Spoil them with your time. Your time is limited compared to their long life ahead of them, God willing. Take time to bring them on a walk. Talk about their day…or school year. Just take the time to talk to them.

Be an influencer. Our kids’ generation needs good and strong influencers. Not IG and FB worthy influencers. But REAL people with strong morals and values to pass down to your Grandchildren. They may be young and it may not be ‘cool,’ but I promise you, they will remember. They will be adults one day, and what you choose to instill in their lives now, will affect them. Forever.

Take pictures with them. If you have multiple grandchildren in one family, take individual shots with just them. Not all of their siblings. Technology these days makes that a lot easier. Candid ones are so much better then posed.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking electronics is what they only like. Tell them to put their phone or iPad down and you too, should put your electronics down. Play games with them. Put puzzles together. Read with them. Even do work together! I was blessed with growing up in a era where my Grandparents only had TV. All they made time for was some News, Jeopardy, or Wheel of Fortune. The rest of the time we were busy…or allowed to be bored! My Grandpa had my brothers doing yard work. Lots of yard work. They’d always find something that needed fixing. Both my brothers are hard workers to this day. (I know my parents had something to do with that as well). When my brothers, who are twins, turned 16, my Grandpa passed down his brown Ford truck to them. It was a stick shift and needed some TLC, but it worked. He wrote instructions for them on how to take care of it. They loved that truck. And I’m pretty sure they loved it more because of where it came from.

Create lasting memories. Someday that’s all they’ll have. And I guarantee you. They’ll be so thankful for the memories YOU took the time to create with them.

~xoxo

As you’ll see, I’m NOT a poem writer. But last night I couldn’t sleep and these words came to me. I remember my Uncle Dave’s funeral. I was 10. I got so upset, I collapsed in the hallway. My dad picked me up and carried me. But I was 10. I don’t remember if my heart physically hurt.

I was a Grandpa’s girl from the start. He was the first one to hold me when I was born. My Grandpa Hassler’s funeral was the day I was born. So if I’m remembering the story correctly, my dad went from me being born, and straight to his father’s funeral. And now it will be 5 years ago this September since my Grandpa passed away. I’ve felt deep sadness before. But that’s the first time I can remember my heart physically hurting.

And now my Grandma. We rejoice that she’s in Heaven. She’s now reunited with Grandpa and Dave. But my heart, once again, physically hurts. As much as you see a Grandparent get older, and you know death is inevitable (although last summer Grayson declared that Grandma GG was going to live until 105!), you can never really prepare yourself for the emptiness you feel once they’re gone.

Whether your loved ones are young or old. Healthy or sick. We never know when they, or you, will be called Home. So hug those you love and cherish every memory you have with them…

Cinnamon and sugar on your toast or warm rice pudding with cream of course.

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Saturday hair appointments at Ruby’s shop, sweeping up the hair and rolling up her perm, is it backcombed enough? Will it stay until next week? I can’t wait to see!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Sitting at the bay window, “look! a blue jay, a robin, oh there’s a cardinal! But what’s that one? Let’s pull out the bird book and take a look!”

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Picking strawberries in her garden, and pulling up weeds. Ohhhh! Lets see how big my sunflower has gotten!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Now it’s time to pick apples from the apple tree. Let’s pick out which head scarf you want to wear, and clogs too! Now find your bucket and off we go. We’ll peel them and place them in a bucket full of water, now what should we make? Applesauce sounds like just the ticket!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

“Manda, let your brothers and Grandpa know their lunch (or midday snack) is ready. Go ring the bell.” The ring would go far, and up the hill or out of the woods…they’d come out of nowhere. It’s time to eat so there they are!

That’s what my Grandma was made of.

It’s time to take our summer trip to Nebraska. Just Grandma, Grandpa, and me. Do I get to sit up front in the middle seat? Oh I can’t wait to see!…I’m so excited! I’m still little enough to sit up front on the middle console seat, but now I have to buckle my seatbelt or I have to buy everyone an ice cream treat!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Time to come up from playing in the glory hole, it’s time for Jeopardy. Then let’s eat quick because Wheel of Fortune is on at 6!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

It’s now my birthday! Oh I can’t wait to see, the reused card from nineteen-seventy that’s she’ll send to me! Signed by non other then Granny M.

That’s what my Grandma was made of.

Patch work quilts made of old button down shirts. And placemats made of old Christmas cards. The bread is gone but we don’t let the bag be gone, we reuse them for old scraps. Any gristle from the chicken, apple or carrot peels, or bread crumbs at the bottom of the bag, we never toss out! We put in a dish and feed to the deer that may come out!

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Are you a part of the clean plate club? You can do it! Then you can have ice cream! There’s ALWAYS room for ice cream! All it does is fill in the cracks.

That’s what Grandma was made of.

Sunday’s were made for church, and coffee hour of course…”Grandma! Grandpa has been waiting in the car for 15 minutes, let’s go! It’s time to go to the Cracker Barrel!”

That’s what Grandma was made of.

I’ve got to lay down and rest a bit, but I can’t let these bones get stiff, so I’ll lay down and do my arm exercises, and I can’t rest too long…I have to walk laps around the house just to keep this body moving along.

That’s what Grandma was made of.

She got a bit older. She slowed down just a tish. And then would tell me, “Your mom does too much. Manda, you need to slow down. I don’t know how you do it all. You need to take care of that little body God gave you.” And you remind her…the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She’s done WAY more than me.

Grandma, your work here is done. You’ve put in your time. Heaven gained a spitfire today. I’m sure everyone up above clearly sees.

Wishbone wishes, Eskimo kisses and I Love You’s…That’s What My Grandma Was Made Of ♥️