A World of HOPE

Obviously the point of my blog is to write about my kids and our experiences. As challenging as things can be, I never want to forget what life has thrown at us. The good and the bad, and even the in-betweens. I hope one day my kids will love reading back on these blogs and know how much their Mama tried. Even when I was completely worn down and felt like a failure, I tried. How much I rooted for each and every one of them to be the best little people they can be…and someday turn into the amazing adults they are meant to be!

But today, this blog brings me to one word. HOPE. This word has gotten lost in my personal vocabulary a long time ago. And while I like to consider myself a positive person, and definitely don’t dwell on what life has thrown my way, I would literally give anything to put ‘hope’ back into my vocabulary.

A little history about my story. I was diagnosed at age 11 with Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. It’s a pediatric disorder that I have never grown out of. Thank goodness I’m not vomiting 15-30 times anymore in just one episode, however. Because this used to be my normal. Now days, I can ‘bounce back’ pretty quickly and they don’t last nearly as long. So the severity has lessened. But my quality of day to day life still suffers. After an episode is over, I feel immediate relief knowing I’ll be good for a few days to a week. Y’all, I live for my good days! I feel like I need to conquer the world. I’m the most productive with work, I plan my days more, I say ‘yes’ to most things without hesitation or fear, I’m more patient, I’m way less irritable, I cook something other then spaghetti…I feel great! But immediately, once those few days to the one week mark hits, I feel crummy. Awful most days. My goal many days is just to get through the day. Big goal, right? My symptoms include chronic fatigue. Dizziness. Headaches. Lack of focus and memory. My balance and coordination is off…because, well, I feel ‘off.’ I get what I call ‘my leg things.’ (Super professional, I know, right? Lol!) But I get these episodes of being dizzy, my brain/head tightens and closes in, and my legs stiff up. I look drunk when I’m walking because I have to focus so hard to stay on my 2 feet. I’ll never forget my first experience with my ‘leg things.’ I was at volleyball practice and my leg literally flew up in the air and I fell on my butt. I had no idea what had just happened! Dr’s never even TRIED to look into what those might be.

I honestly can’t even explain how I feel, nor do I want anyone to ever feel this way. But finally, after all of those symptoms have been happening for 2+ weeks, I get the ‘full blown’ episode. And then I’m better. Yay! Relief!

I haven’t gone to a Specialist or even a General Practitioner since my early 20’s. Nothing has helped so I’ve just learned to deal. So when we went to the Perfect Storm workshop for our #3, I had a little hope that they could help me, too. We got Kylan Jack started on a treatment plan first, and then I decided to make my own scan appointment. My husband tries to tell me constantly, “you can’t take care of the kids if you don’t take care of yourself first.” I believe this to be true. Somewhat. But I also feel Moms are wired much differently then Dads. This isn’t to knock on his fathering skills at all, because he’s a great Dad! But he will literally make his sandwich and take his time eating while kids are crying and screaming for attention or because they need something, and he can just tune it out! Like, what!?! How do you even do that?? And then he flips it on me saying that’s what I need to do. The kids can wait. They’ll live. Take care of yourself first. And then asks me, “If the plane is going to crash, do they tell you to put your kids mask on first or your own mask?” Anyways, you get my point. As you can tell, this can be a frequent conversation in our household.

Saturday was my ‘Report of Findings’ appointment. I’m shocked. Blown away. And I have HOPE for the first time in years.

First of all, this Chiropractor could tell me what my symptoms were without me telling him my symptoms just by looking at my reports. Crazy, right?

In my report it shows that I function primarily on the sympathetic (gas pedal) side (which is common for mom’s), and my central nervous system gets stuck in flight or fight mode. My body functions only in a stressful state and doesn’t know how to regulate itself back, which is why I only get a short window of time of feeling ‘good,’ before I start feeling awful again. Even if I go 3 weeks in between episodes, 2+ of those weeks I don’t feel well.

If you’re a science nerd (I am not, but learning all of this has been fascinating), my C1, C2, and C3 lit up like a Christmas tree, which effects everything I mentioned above. (Headaches/migraines, dizziness, focus, memory, balance/coordination, fatigue).

It also showed that my T10 – adrenal glands (stress response) didn’t even graph. Meaning, my body is completely worn out and doesn’t know how to heal itself or bounce back any longer. Therefore, I’m in a constant state of stress.

They love the heart rate scan because your heart rate doesn’t lie. After doing the heart rate scan over a 3 minute period, so that I’m in a relaxed state, my heart rate was all over the place. (Side note: I felt completely relaxed while doing it)

He explained that I probably feel like I have a constant hangover. These are words out of his mouth without me even putting the idea out there. And he’s absolutely right.

So today, I not only have hope for myself. But I have hope for my kids and my husband. And everyone who has to deal with me. Because it’s not easy y’all. I talk about my kids needing patience and grace, but many times I’m looking for patience and grace from those closest to me.

Some may say I’m jumping the gun putting this out to the universe for everyone to see…or everyone who reads my blog to see. But my excitement and the HOPE (along with my many prayers) I have for this treatment plan to work, is something I felt compelled to write about.

It’s been a long road. One that I’m not confident will ever end, but I’m HOPEFUL it will get better. And I can’t wait to see what these next few months bring.

~XOXO