Why Do We Wait

It feels like a bad dream. A really REALLY bad dream. We we were just with him at Christmas. He worked hard to figure out the pool so the kids could swim. He went on a 2-1/2 hour hike with the boys. He would let us know when the sunset would happen so the kids could go on the rooftop. Tucson sunsets were his favorite.

Cigars. Cigars were his favorite.

Walking his dog Hank…Hank was his favorite.

His ‘brothers’ he had lunch outings with in MN. His ‘brothers’ by choice, were his favorite.

My Mom. She was most definitely his favorite.

His ‘girls.’ Blood or not, all 4 of us were his favorite.

His family, ALL of his family, were his favorite. And I can say without a doubt, we ALL knew we were his favorite.

So why do we wait?

I thought for sure he would wake up and Mom could show him my blog I wrote about him. Showing just a glimpse of the impact he’s had on our lives.

He didn’t wake up. He became less responsive. I asked my sister to PLEASE have someone read my blog to him. He has to know. And that was just a glimpse.

So why do we wait?

We wait until someone is passing away or has passed away. We wait for birthdays. We wait for anniversaries. We wait.

Walter didn’t wait. Many who read this blog also follows me on Facebook or Instagram. A common name you would see commenting, liking, loving, or laughing at my posts, would be ‘Walter Payfer.’ He didn’t let ego get in his way. He wore his heart on his sleeve and he wore it well.

This picture?

I used it as a joke in a status. He wrote “She is delightful!” And he meant it.

So why do we wait?

I urge everyone with every ounce of my being, DON’T WAIT. I know he knows how much we all loved him. He did. But to what extent? I’m not sure.

If someone has been influential in your life. Tell them. Now.

If someone makes you laugh. Tell them.

If someone’s loving nature makes you feel safe and you can tell them your deepest secrets. Tell them how much that means to you.

If you have gratitude for someone. Tell them.

If someone hurts you and you’re angry. Tell them. Now. So you can heal and move on.

Don’t let your feelings and quiet thoughts go unnoticed.

If you aren’t comfortable telling someone with your words. Write it. Or show it with your actions. But don’t wait.

When Walter heard Talan was in the chess club at his school in AZ, he was so excited. Anything using your brain, Walter loved. The next time we saw him, he gave Talan a nice chess board. It wasn’t his birthday or Christmas. But he wanted to share in Talan’s excitement of playing chess.

When Walter and Mom were here for Thanksgiving, Mom got sick and they couldn’t spend much time at our house. (They were staying with my sister) They were only able to come out for one day so I could do my mom’s hair. I made sure I had a bag of salad and blue cheese dressing. Ever since his first brain bleed, Walter said he had to eat salad every day. But not spinach. That would kill him. It was funny how honest he was. Almost like a child. Just telling you how it is. Anyways, he showed so much appreciation and gratitude at the fact that I had a bag of salad and dressing for him. Even though he was only here for a few hours. He just raved to my mom (with me standing there) how nice that was. And I felt his genuine gratitude.

When I had to stay an extra night in Tucson at Christmastime, he wanted to come with to say goodby at the airport. He could’ve stayed home and just said goodbye there. But he came with. And I won’t forget his last words I would ever hear from him. “Love ya, hunny.”

Walter let us know with his words AND his actions.

He loved us all fiercely.

This isn’t the start of a new decade I was expecting. We lost my Maternal Grandma 7 months ago. And now one of my Dads. Blood or not, he was my Dad. My mom will have lost her Mom and Husband in less then a year.

What I’m going to take into the new decade is my own tribute. And live out Walters legacy to #bemorelikewalter .

I won’t wait. Whether with my words, letters, comments/reactions on social media, I hope everyone will know EXACTLY how I feel about them. Don’t be scared.

Don’t let your ego get in the way. Love fiercely. Live abundantly. And #bemorelikewalter

~xoxo